"The influence of relatives on my life's path”

This is the title of a song by the late Đorđe Balašević, a well-known Serbian singer and songwriter. His first album, "To my mother, instead of a graduation photo", was released in the same year I was born and was often played in our home. I frequently find myself in poems by Balašević, some of which seem to be written especially for me.

Looking back, I always wonder how much influence my family and relatives had on this, often perilous and treacherous path I've chosen to take. As with any other person, I was also shaped by my surroundings. But I must say that music and art were my personal and conscious choices for the most part. Some might think that it was just a childhood whim back then. But ever since I started spontaneously discovering music, I knew it would be my life's calling no matter what.

I was not born into a family of musicians, so this wasn't a matter of legacy. Even though I haven't been directed toward music (quite the contrary), everything was somehow leading to this. As a child, I was under the big influence of my mother but also my late grandparents who were an integral part of our family during these formative years. This has led to the inevitable collision of various currents. My mother, aware of my musical talent and potential, didn't want to force me toward formal musical education in addition to regular one and to impose additional burden. My grand folks, both teachers, thought that it would be best that I turn toward something "more concrete".

Since I was a child, I just couldn't imagine myself doing some usual work. Not only I was always driven by imagination and creativity, but freedom and free time were always of utmost importance to me. Therefore, the only field besides music and art I could picture myself in was education. However, my grandparents have started to divert me from this early on, thinking that this vocation is often underpaid and underappreciated (from their own experience). On the other hand, my mom was a doctor (GP) for nearly forty years. Despite this, neither my younger sister nor I have chosen this path.

After I graduated from high school, I was in a rather awkward position. I just didn't know what to do next. I thought that having a formal degree was, first and foremost, a matter of personal satisfaction and I didn't want to disappoint my family. So I started thinking about what university to enroll in. My main criteria was that this would be a minimal distraction from music and wouldn't drain my energy. Quite ironically, I've eventually finished law school, which seems rather incredible now. When I remember my years as a student, it's quite obvious why I never really wanted to practice law. This is poetically described in the mentioned song by Balašević: "Too much reality, too little dreams".

The law school was not only mentally tiresome, but it has also taught me about disappointment. So this only further fueled my decision to do something creative. After the university, I have been formally educated in the IT field for several years, particularly in web and graphic design as well as photography. Although all these are attractive venues, I never really went there professionally. There is too much competition to deal with. Furthermore, these fields are rather shaky these days due to the relentless rise of AI and the Internet. So I have always come back to music, again and again.

Unfortunately, despite my talent, potential, constant improvement, and long-time experience, I still haven't managed to turn my life's calling into a sustainable career that I can count on no matter what. For the most part, it is the fault of others who didn't give me enough support and understanding. But I still make ends meet almost exclusively through music for years now. Despite all the hardships, I have my little joys and satisfactions. I will finish by quoting Balašević again: "So I lived a life my way, as a pauper and as a prince."